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hineini - lisa delan

*first published by The Write Launch, January 2023


i am neither the seed   

      nor the fruit -

You water 

me in the in 

       between;


between love and

        the weeds

where i hide,

(supine and

       reckless)


i forgot my name 

        when i fell from grace -

when i choked on fire, 

and scorched

         the scabrous earth;


until under the ash a

         new name formed

spelled in hair 

and bone:

            Hineini.-


i am here, Elohai,

          G-d of my ancestors

but my eyes transpose

the landscape; 

            and i am lost -


the rutted road

            reads empty as

i search the near distance

astounded by ghosts,

and my own limpid hands;


we are here and not here

my mother, my father,

their daughter; 

we must be in Gehinnom

awaiting our trials -



if so, dismiss our missteps 

  and restore us

not as before

but in numinous form

for the world to come -


allow me safe passage

to follow them home;

but if i cannot pass

extend me this moment 

 in precious purgatory


to lay eyes once again upon

all that was lost - 

do not lift me from this place

to lay me down alone to goodbye, 

and goodbye and goodbye....


seal me instead in a beautiful lie

where i can't see the end,

where i rise from the weeds

and there are no ghosts

and there are no ashes


and i remember my name

the one they gave me

(the one You took with them) -

and i will wait - and i will wait

for them to find me,


and ask where i've been hiding

and how long it has been

and how i fell so far behind -

i will answer only that i am here,

waiting,  Hineini.





Lisa Delan’s poetry has been featured in a broad range of literary publications, and she has received a Pushcart Prize nomination. Her poems have been set to music by several prominent composers (with premieres in 2022 and 2024), and she is currently collaborating on a new choral work as well as a song cycle. When she is not writing, you can find the soprano, an international performer who records for the Pentatone label, singing songs on texts by some of her favorite poets.












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